I wish I had the will to kill myself


All things pass with time
Time is a man made construct
Time is a human concept, just like every other concept, however change is a universal truth. The fact that the next moment will be different from this one is a fact, regardless of what name you give it, or how you attempt to measure it. Feelings are transient, all things are transient, you are transient.
I have the will I just don't have the courage
Why do you want to kill yourself?
What happened?
I have failed, disappointed, lost, and am frankly confused of why I'm still here
I feel you so well because I'm on the same boat. But I've learnt to get deeper on what I can do about stuff. It's very much like a grey area where you're thinking about it but you're not going to do it. Does that sound similar to your thinking?
Let us think if everything that's going wrong right now in your life. How did you fail ?
Of *
And then find some solutions
There is no solutions
Only constant errors and issues
There are always solutions. Tell me more about what's troubling you.
My mother is dying. I promised her and myself that I would do everything I can to make her proud. I said the same to my passed Grandfather 2 years ago and my grades are flailing, I'm struggling with self diagnosed mental illnesses I know I have even before all of this happened and to top it off there isn't anyone I can really trust enough to tell
I'm so sorry to hear that. I think you're being too harsh on yourself. No one can succeed in such a short period. Rome wasn't built in a day. The fact that you want to succeed and want more from life is more important than you realise. Many people don't ever have this feeling and live a mediocre life. But you're smart. Your grades are not your destiny, trust me.
You need to give yourself a break. Stop being so hard on yourself. Pamper yourself a bit, give yourself some much needed love
Think of your inner self as a child. Would treat a child the way your treating yourself or would you say the same things you're telling yourself, to a child?
You are scoring less because of your mental illness and that does not make you dumb. Even the smartest people can have though time doing anything had they been made to go through everything you're going through. So give yourself credit for holding on
Have you tried university counselling?
I find it hard to open up to people - even teachers
I can understand. Are you comfortable taking to me ?
If not, I can slow down a bit
Thanks so much for your advice it's reassuring to know someone is reading and understanding how I feel
It's no problem. I've been in the worst case of depression and I could have used all the help I could. So now it's my turn to help!
What helped me talk to people sometimes is writing it down. The first time I had to tell my mum that I was depressed, I wrote her 20 page long essay on what was happening with me and why I need help. My parents are conservative and depression is something we don't talk or understand much about. Writing my feelings and experiences down was so so freeing
What is happening to your mum?
I don't talk about my feelings or my psychological well being
I have no friends
No money for therapy
I'm considering throwing all my stuff away and living hopelessly
She's suffered 2 strokes within the past year and almost fell into a coma, is paralysed, developed depression, and physically weak