I just want to be happy. There has to be more to life than this. I constantly feel like an outsider because everyone around me is laughing and smiling and I have to plan and create my reactions and facial expressions to try to mimic them correctly. It’s exhausting and I just want to have a day where I don’t have to monitor myself like that.

Comments:

Are you in denial about your true feelings, perhaps?
Be urself ...don't fake it..it's not ur job to impress or please people around you.dont monitor what u do ever.be bold enough to face urself..love urself and the world will love u.accept and express urself freely..people who are meant to be in ur life wl eventually be.dont exhaust urself dear.
I feel the exact same way Turtle. I feel like I have to pretend everything. My mom says it’s normal. But I know it’s not...